It’s near that 87th week of pregnancy when all your thoughts are consumed with wondering if your beautiful new baby is going to make their appearance soon, or if you’ll be pregnant for yet another week. When you can’t sleep, or breathe, or walk. You’re so uncomfortable you could cry, but you can’t lay down because your acid reflux feels like a million little fires in your body when you do. You whisper to your belly ‘please hurry up, and get here already’.. but she takes her time, and pregnancy, it doesn’t last forever.
It’s leaving the hospital with a 5 month pregnant belly, even though you aren’t pregnant anymore, mesh undies, ice packs for your lady bits, and milk stained shirts, looking in the mirror wondering if you will ever even closely resemble yourself again…but you will, because postpartum, it doesn’t last forever.
It’s up all hours of the night breastfeeding, staring at your new baby to make sure she’s breathing, soaking up every detail, and that intoxicating newborn smell, wondering when you’ll ever sleep again. And even though you should sleep when she is, you don’t, because the newborn stage, it doesn’t last forever.
It’s wishing you could hold onto every moment just as it is, no matter how messy, or tiring, but at the same time wondering when they’re going to sit up, or walk, or crawl. Its wanting your babies to grow up, but also never wanting them to be bigger then they are right this minute. But they grow, and they grow, and you blink, then they’re running, talking, and going to school. Because that’s motherhood, but luckily motherhood lasts, even when the seasons of it don’t.
Every stage, seems like its going to last forever while you’re in it, until you go to bed one day, and the next day you’re in a new stage. Looking back, it never seems like it was that bad either, even if you were up most of the night cursing your husband and his worthless nipples. Motherhood is equally as heartbreaking as it is joyful, because time is a thief. And even though I haven’t slept in 4 years, I would do anything to keep my babies little, just a LITTLE bit longer.
Today, is our Stella’s first birthday! I am in complete denial, but we are going to celebrate the heck out of her baby-hood and hold onto it as long as we can.
Happy Happy Birthday, Stellalva Louise!
You are the happiest baby, the biggest mama girl. You adore Bubba’s and sissy, and they love you so much. Besides with me, outside is your favorite place to be. You love your animals, and call everything keeeeyyys (kitties). Can sign about 5 different signs, your favorite one being ‘eat’, and are trying to say a bunch of words and sounds. If every baby was a good as you we probably would have had those 7 daddy always jokes about, haha! We love you so much Belly girl!